Nuru Bwanakombo walked out of her first marriage to join university. She says that her decision paid off. Photo/AMINA KIBIRIGE
She was 18, when she was married off to a man 17 years older than her.
Nuru Bwanakombo had just completed her O levels at Mama Ngina Girls Secondary School in Mombasa, and had scored B+, making her the best student in the school.
She had always been a bright student, and had lofty dreams, dreams of becoming an engineer, an unlikely career for a girl, who had grown up in a traditional setting which valued marriage more than career.
Nuru traces her interest in engineering to a childhood curiosity about the workings of gadgets such as television sets, radios and bulbs.
While still a very young girl, she remembers agonising about what went into the construction of the imposing Nyali Bridge, the one that links Mombasa Island with the North Coast.
“I was fascinated with complex things. I wanted to know how they worked, and my fingers would itch to take them apart, so that I could satisfy my curiosity,” she explains, her eyes lighting up at the memory.
Nuru knew that by getting married, she would flush her dreams down drain. Unfortunately, she had no choice.
Culture demanded that she yield to her parents expectations, and so she moved into her new husband’s home, and immersed herself into the duties of a wife.
The only distant light, in a world that had suddenly gone dim, is when her mother asked her new husband to allow her to go back to school, should her university application be accepted.
“He initially agreed to the request, though I would later learn that he did that with the hope that I wouldn’t get a place,” Nuru explains.
When the admission letter from the University of Nairobi arrived, offering her a chance to study civil engineering, her husband flatly told her that she could not go back to school.
“He told me that my place as a woman was in the kitchen, furthermore, he could afford to give me everything I wanted, so why go back to school?” Nuru recalls.
By then however, she had nursed dreams of going to university for so long, she knew that nothing would stand between her and her childhood dream, not even marriage.
Difficult decision
With a distant look in her eyes, she talks about the day she walked out of her marriage.
It was a daring step to take, some might say ill-advised, considering that her child was only six months old, and she had been married for only a year and a half.
Fortunately, her parents were supportive, since they knew how much she had wanted to join university and get herself a career.
Nuru’s determination shocked many, and had tongues wagging for a while, but this is what propelled her to venture into what can only be described as a trailblazing undertaking.
She left her daughter in the care of her parents, and with the support of her elder sister and only brother, left Mombasa with a heavy heart for Nairobi, a place she had never been to before.
On arrival at the university, she was greeted with disbelief whenever people learnt that she was studying civil engineering.
They could not believe that a “Muslim” girl from the Coast Province would want to pursue such a “tough” course.
The first few months at the university, were difficult for Nuru. As much as she was determined to pursue her dream, her heart was torn right down the middle; a piece in school, another one at home with a daughter she hadn’t quite bonded with.
However, as much as she was tempted to take the next bus home, she knew that one way of ensuring a secure future for her daughter was to graduate from university.
Nuru says that throughout her four years at university, she had to work, to earn her pocket money, and also to send some home for her daughter’s upkeep.
Her parents, back home in Kisauni were volunteer Madrassa (religious school) teachers, and were therefore not in a position to assist her financially.
Luckily, she was lucky to get a part time job for an engineering firm, as well as with the Electoral Commission.
She also took up odd jobs during her first and second year at the university to make extra money. She also did a bit of “decent” modeling on the side.
When she was just beginning to adapt to her new life, Nuru realised that she was pregnant.
She says that she was so shaken; she was in denial for quite some time, especially since she had no idea that she had conceived, when leaving her husband.
“It was the last thing I expected, but after the shock wore off, I decided to be positive about it, after all, children are God-given, and pregnancy would not prevent me from going on with my education,” Nuru says.
A few months later, in 1995, she gave birth to a baby boy, only for her former husband’s family to forcefully take him away from her when he was just 20 days old.
Though she finally managed to get him back many months later, Nuru is reluctant to dwell on that “dark” period, which saw her fight with everything she had to get her son back.
“I have him, and that’s all that matters,” she says of the incident.
Nuru, a popular student, went on to head various associations at the university. Besides heading the Muslim Students Association, sisters wing, for four years, 1995 to 1999, she was also elected student leader in 1998.
The following year, she graduated with honors. Her graduation, she says, still counts as one of her happiest day.
Soon afterwards, she took up a job with Otieno, Odongo & Partners, a consulting engineer’s firm in Nairobi, where she had previously interned.
She worked with them for three years, during which she gained valuable experience on crucial aspects of her career.
The most important learning experience, she says, came when she was put in charge of the dualling of Langata Road, and the rehabilitation of the Mtito Andei-Voi-Bachuma road.
In 2002, she decided to go back to Mombasa, so that she could spend more time with her children and parents. She applied for a job at the Kenya Ports Authority in June 2002, and was accepted.
Even though she had been apprehensive of how she would be received in what had been considered a man’s turf for many years, Nuru says that she was treated as an equal from the beginning.
Furthermore, she was immediately appointed to supervise the setting up of a one stop centre to make the process of clearing and forwarding documents as short, and as smooth as possible.
She was also put in charge of KPA’s outreach programmes and so far, she has designed and built a primary school in Msambweni, a dispensary in Taita, and an administration block for Faza secondary school.
“I am now looking forward to building a secondary school for girls in Faza Island, who have to make the long journey to Lamu to go to school. It is either that, or stay at home and wait to get married,” says Nuru, a passionate advocate of girl-child education.
In 2003, Nuru was the only woman amongst eight Kenyans selected to study at the UNESCO-IHE (Institute of Hydraulic Engineering) where she was named the best overall student in the academic year 2003 -2004.
Her job at KPA has been a blessing. Besides being sponsored to do her Masters degree in Coastal Engineering and Port Development in the Netherlands, this is also where she met her new husband, Engineer Ibrahim Ali.
Nuru is also part of the team that is involved in mapping out the port’s plan for the next 25years.
Amongst the projects she is involved in include the rehabilitation of the berths, rehabilitation of Kipevu bridge, dredging of the port, as well as the construction of the second container terminal funded by Japan.
She also assists with the feasibility study of the proposed second port in Lamu.
To her husband, Nuru is like a bar of gold, which he values highly. Her toughness, he says, is what drew him to her in the first place.
“I wanted a tough, intelligent woman, and getting one wasn’t easy. Also, I preferred to marry someone in my line of work, someone who could understand the demands of my job, someone I could have fruitful conversations with,” he says, and adds that being in the same career has enriched their marriage .
I am a wife first
It’s on a Saturday, and we’re doing this interview at their home in Kizingo, Mombasa.
Nuru, who considers herself a mother of five children having adopted three others from her husband’s first marriage, is serving her husband his lunch.
“I know my place as a wife, and as a Muslim woman, I recognise my husband as the head of the family, so there is no power struggle between us,” she explains.
She adds that her successful career has not gotten into her head, and points out that it’s important for women to be good role models for their children, especially their daughters.
Referring to the challenges she has gone through, Nuru encourages women who find themselves in tough situations to look on the bright side of life, and above all, to stay positive.
“I am a career woman, a wife, a mother, a leader, a sister, and an aunt to many, but I manage to do all of it well. This means that you too can do it,” she points out.
Nuru is grateful to her mother, father and siblings, and other relatives, who she says stood by her side when she was struggling to make sense of her life.
“I am especially grateful to my mother, who encouraged me to fight for dreams,” she says.
To young girls, a call of persistence, strong will and determination are her words of wisdom to them
She insists that to meet one’s goals and succeed in life, one not only needs to do well in school, but also needs to stay focused on their goal.
“If you are focused, the doors of success will open up for you. Give your best in everything you do, be it a vegetable stall, a hair salon or a shoe shine business – just give it your best shot, and the rest will fall into place.”
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